Chunto Numero Dos

It is only seven days until Thanksgiving, and the preparations are already well underway. A couple of weeks ago, I bought a turkey that will eventually be our dinner, though, he doesn’t know that yet.

In keeping with the Lone Range theme set by last year’s turkey, Tonto, I was planning on naming the new guy Kemo Sabe. But after he carried out three successful escapes in less than two days, I decided on Houdini instead.

Given the constraints of my living arrangement last year, I had one of my Guatemalan friends take care of Tonto. But now with my new house and spacious yard, Houdini has been residing here with me. After his initial escapes, it seems Houdini has resigned to the fact that this is his new home, and he has spent his days pecking about my yard, perching on my grill, eating tortillas (he is puro Chapin), and strutting around my patio (he can see his reflection in my living room window and therefore thinks there is another turkey inside).

I bought Houdini from one of my neighbors, and when she came over to drop him off, she warned me I had better keep him inside or someone would steal him. I didn’t want anyone to steal my new pet/soon-to-be-dinner, so I unwisely let Houdini stay in the house the first night. I woke up the next morning to find a mess that took my determination not to vomit and two rolls of paper towels to clean up. Since then Houdini has spent his evenings tied to the grill, which is his preferred place to sleep.

But now that Houdini is sleeping outside, it has greatly increased the chances of thievery. The other night Michelle and I foiled a plot to steal my turkey by using a pile of strategically placed flour, two machetes, two cans of mace, a pair of scissors, a handful of rocks, a heavy chain, a padlock, and a camcorder. Actually the fact that we chained Houdini to my grill and the bars outside my bedroom window did the bulk of the work in thwarting his theft. The tampered with flour (we searched my house for anything that could pick up a footprint) proves an attempt was made, and we have seven hours of video surveillance footage to review to identify a suspect. The mace, machetes, scissors, and rocks were just a backup in case our plan went awry.

After so much time spent protecting and feeding (Eat your tortillas!) Houdini, I know it is going to be really difficult to kill him. Despite the fact that he has turned my patio into a fecal mine field by defecating, urinating, and vomiting on nearly every square inch of it, I do really enjoy his presence. Without the daily interaction, Tonto and I never really bonded last year, but even still I gave pause when the time came to put a machete to his throat. Killing Houdini would be like killing my pet. I might have to pass off the duties to someone else this year, but no, mom, in spite of your wishes, I am not just going to let Houdini go free. It is his lot in life to eventually become someone’s meal, and he should be honored (again, though he doesn’t know it yet) to be the main course in the gringos’ Thanksgiving dinner.