My brother...jack of all trades.

Escaping from a bat.Playing ayudante.

Venturing onto dangerous paths.

Exploring Semuc.

Controlling the piñata.

Chubby Bunny Round II

The Chubby Bunny competition was such a hit at the Christmas party, the women wanted a rematch at the party for my parents. Thanks to the amazing videography skills of my sitemate, Michelle, here is the conclusion of the friendly contest (I am sure there will be more in the future):

La Piñata

Filling with candy...perhaps too much.
Lisa stealing candy.

Preparing the piñata.

Mom fencing.

The fight for the candy.

Fíjese que...

There are quite a few sayings and words in Spanish that I enjoy, but by far my favorite (to use but not to hear) is fíjese que. Fíjese is the formal usted command form of the reflexive verb fijarse. Fijarse means “to take notice” or “to pay attention.” While the verb when used as a command basically has one meaning—“Hey, pay attention to this”—it is used in two distinct ways: one that is both irking and amusing at the same time which is frequently employed by Guatemalans and the other that more closely holds to the word’s literal meaning which I love to drop when I mean business.

Guatemalans most often use fíjese que to preface that they are going to say something you don’t want to hear. It is almost always accompanied by a forced expression of helplessness and sympathy. I quickly learned to brace myself for bad news at the initial “f” and flash a knowing smile. If I had a dime for every time I have heard fíjese que, I would have no need for my Peace Corps living allowance. Below are just a few examples of times that I have been “fíjese qued” by Guatemalans:

“Fíjese que the money that was stolen from your account can’t be reimbursed.”

“Fíjese que the buses aren’t running tomorrow and there is no way for you to get to Guate to meet your parents at the airport.”

“Fíjese que the distributor hasn’t come and we are all out of Coke Light.”

“Fíjese que we don’t have your reservation and all of our rooms are full tonight.”

“Fíjese que the replacement parts for the Land Rover are going to cost 9800 Quetzales.”


In complete contrast, I like to use fíjese que to drive home a point. While not always rooted in anger (but sometimes yes), I deliver it with my “I’m not joking around” tone and expression. It does wonders for getting people’s attention. Here are some of my uses of fíjese que:

“Fíjese que I am not going to wait for you in the park at 4:00 a.m., because you are always late. You can pick me up at my house.”

“Fíjese que I live in Guatemala and I know what the price of a taxi ride should be from here to Zona 1.”

“Fíjese que I waited for you for over an hour so I eventually left.”

“Fíjese que if this is the way you treat clients, then don’t expect any more business from us.”


Sometimes when I am very resolute on obtaining what I asked for, the only way to combat a fíjese que is to give one back. This starts a sort of “battle of the fíjese ques,” with the unspoken underlying tone of the conversation being, “I’m sorry but…/Well, I don’t care because…” I have yet to lose a fíjese que war, but I only engage myself in them in extreme circumstances. A case in point was when my parents and brother came to visit and we wanted to ship the extra suitcases they had brought for me to Tactic before we caught a flight to Flores. Here is the conversation I had with the employee at Monja Blanca:

Him: “Fíjese que we aren’t accepting packages to send because it is Easter weekend.”

Me: “Fíjese que we are flying to Flores in a couple of hours and we aren’t taking these suitcases with us.”

Him: “Fíjese que the suitcases would have to sit in the office over the weekend, and we can’t be responsible if anything is stolen.”

Me: “Fíjese que both of these suitcases are locked and secure.”

Him: “Fíjese que the suitcases wouldn’t be sent until Monday.”

Me: “Fíjese que I am not going to be back in Tactic until Monday anyway.”

The suitcases were waiting for me when I arrived in Tactic that Monday. In Guatemala a little fíjese que can go a long way.

Tikal

Griffins in Guate!

Two weeks ago my wonderful parents and their own personal Spanish translator, otherwise known as my eldest brother Ryan, made a trip down to Guatemala to visit me. It was Ryan’s second visit but my parents first time in my new home of Guatemala. It was a packed week trying to experience as much as Guatemala as possible in such a short amount of time. Since I am not very talented at narrative writing (or writing in general), here are some highlights of what we did:

We visited the great Mayan ruins of Tikal. The sheer magnitude of the pyramids can only be appreciated in person. With our less than accurate map, we wandered around the park, climbed pyramids, and stood in awe of the works of such a great civilization.

Outside of Flores we went to an ecological park to zip-line in the jungle. It was late in the afternoon on Easter Sunday and the place had already closed, but with a little convincing from our cab driver, they decided to let us go on the tour. Though she was a little leery at first, my mom joined us and ended up having a great time (I think). She would start breaking from the moment she left the platform, while, in complete contrast, my dad would wait to the very last moment to break nearly colliding with the guide…every time.

The women of Nu’Kem threw a party for my parents at the store fit with kak’ik, piñatas, and another Chubby Bunny competition (surprisingly the woman that threw up last time volunteered to participate again and came in a respectable fourth…I won). My mom was concerned that I am instilling an unhealthy competitive spirit in the women, but I think the no holds barred scrum for the piñata candy proved to her that while I may have some culpability in fueling their competitiveness, I am by no means the source.

Though they courteously tried everything that was given to them, I don’t think the tamalitos and kak’ik sat very well with my parents. But what proved most shocking to my family about the meal were the three full bags of sugar that were dumped into the caldron of coffee. Sugar could be its own food group here, and Guatemalans find it unthinkable to drink coffee without it. I still get looks of utter bewilderment when I ask for coffee without sugar.

My sitemate, Michelle, attended the party. She has visited the store a handful of times and quite a few of the women know her, so I didn’t think to introduce her to the whole group. As we were leaving, I overheard a couple of women speculating that she was my parents’ muchacha. I didn’t correct them.

Ryan went out with a group of Peace Corps volunteers and me in Antigua to celebrate Kelly’s 28th birthday and was unwittingly subjected to our unique brand of Peace Corps Spanglish and incessant use of acronyms. Well into the evening, one of my group members distressingly stated, “He has been here for less than a week and already speaks better Spanish than I do!” Her spirits were immediately revived upon learning that my brother is a college Spanish professor.

We climbed the active Volcán Pacaya just south of Guatemala City. Or more accurately, my dad, brother and I climbed Pacaya while my mom rode a horse. The entrepreneurial boys at the park entrance offer their services of a horse for those not inclined to walk. Being the savvy businessmen that they are, even after being initially declined, they follow behind groups with their enticing painless rides to the top waiting for people to succumb. My mom wisely succumbed.

Getting to stand just a few yards from flowing lava is a very fascinating experience. It flowed like water but was extremely dense. My dad found it interesting that rocks would bounce off of it like it was rubber, and my mom discovered through a little spill that after it has hardened, it is razor sharp. And I threw a boy’s stick in the lava.
_________

When I returned to Tactic after seeing my parents off at the airport, my host mom said to me, “There were so many things that your mom wanted to tell me, but she couldn’t…But I understood.” My parents don’t speak Spanish, but they made connections despite that. The women of my association got to know my mom’s wonderful character through her constant smiles, her tears of gratitude for the gifts they gave, her spontaneous laughter, and her unceasing willingness to help. Culture may be tied up in language, but there are some things that are unmistakably universal.

The Fam

Atop Temple IV at Tikal. Mom busting open the piñata.

Watching the lava flow at Volcán Pacaya.

Getting a closer view of the liquid hot magma.

Visiting my training host mom.

esquemas piramidales

We received the most interesting visit yesterday in the Nu’Kem office from three traveling representatives from the lofty sounding “Asociación Entidades de Desarrollo Humanitario” (translated as something like, “Association Entities of Humanitarian Development” or “Important Association of Humanitarian Development”). After laying out all the barriers to economic advancement for poor rural Guatemalans, they presented the perfect solution:

For a mere 120 Quetzales ($16) to be deposited into their bank account we could each become a “Promotor de Desarrollo Económico” (Promoter of Economic Development). Our role as promoters would be to sign up 10 more promoters within 15 days who would all also pay the Q120 inscription fee. Our 10 “direct clients” would then each have 15 days to sign up 10 more inscription paying clients of their own. And after just 30 days and minimal effort (I am sure the requisite of setting up an email account for each of my “clients” who probably have little to no experience with the internet won’t be as hard as it initially seems, especially given that the representative told us that, “Niños de uno y dos años ahorita están usando el internet antes que pueden leer y escribir,”…hmm, if they can’t read, I wonder what they are doing on the internet) each promoter with their own network of 110 direct and indirect clients will receive a check for Q5,000. At the end of the next month, just by having all 110 people in the network follow the important instructions to be sent out through email each promoter will net an additional Q24,000. After the third month the quantity earned jumps to Q240,000. That simple! Also just for the initial inscription fee we will receive instructional CDs and books including “¿Quien Se Ha Llevado Mi Queso?” At the mere mention of a free copy of “Who Moved My Cheese,” I was sold.

Perhaps I have integrated into the Guatemalan culture more than I thought, because instead of telling these men that they were a bunch of manipulative lying con artists, I bit my tongue and politely listened to the totality of their grand money making scheme. After holding back laughter produced by comments involving 2-year-olds surfing the internet and other ridiculous statements, I eventually asked, “¿Como se llaman estos tipos de negocios [I employed air quotes at this point] en español? En inglés se llaman ‘pyramid schemes.’” Unfortunately, my jab was lost without translation.

From my general countenance during the meeting, the members of the Nu’Kem board realized that this wasn’t a sound investment opportunity. After the men left, I explained to the women that although the plan sounded like a wonderfully easy way to make a lot of money, it was simply a trick and that they should warn the members of their communities. While I initially found the encounter humorous in its complete absurdity, walking home after work, I became very angry. As a Peace Corps volunteer you become part of a community, and these fast-talking cons from the capital are staying in my community with the sole purpose of swindling poor uneducated people out of their money. I have a meeting with the mayor tomorrow morning to formulate a plan to warn the public of the scam. I know I will never fully belong in Tactic, but this is my community and the people here are my friends, and I will do all that I can (however little it really is) to keep them from being cheated.