We're not that close

Anyone who has taken at least one course in Spanish is aware of the different levels of familiarity for the English word “you”. “Usted”, the most formal, is used as a sign of respect for those older, for new acquaintances, or for addressing superiors. “Tú” is informal and used among friends, people of the same age cohort, or sometimes with children. And in Guatemala the even more familiar “vos” is used, mostly between men, very close friends, or occasionally in families (more often the parents talking to their children). The “rules” are not set in stone, but just through casual conversation, you can pretty much infer the depth of the relationship between two people.

And to make Spanish complex and fun, each “you” form comes with its own set of verb conjugations and direct and indirect pronouns. Not that I worry much with the different forms, though. To avoid any social faux pas and play it on the safe side, I blanket address everyone as “usted”—men, women, children, babies…even my host family’s dog (that is white and named Ebony).

Although it is “usted” all the time for everyone with me, I am very keen as to how I am addressed by others. Women almost exclusively use “usted” with me (I was very taken aback upon first meeting the woman that does my host family’s laundry when she called me “vos”, but I quickly learned she spoke minimal Spanish and didn’t know it was inappropriate). With men it varies and is frustrating. I don’t know if it is because I am foreign or just simply because of my age, but some men will immediately start using “tú” with me, which I find disrespectful. During these frequent occasions I overemphasis the fact that I am using “usted” which will eventually cause some of them to switch over to being more formal. I have yet to pull out, “No tutéeme,” but I just might in the future.

But after over two months in Tactic, there are people here with whom I am friends and probably at the point of graduating into the “tú” form. I am slightly nervous about taking that step, though. I know I am over dramatizing the situation, but I liken my informalizing (I am aware that’s not a word) of a friendship to busting a move to ask someone on a date—“Are we ‘tú’ material? Does he/she feel the same way? Am I ready for this?” Fortunately as a foreigner any premature “tú-ing” would be met with understanding, but, nevertheless, I would rather not jump the gun.