Me gustaría presentarles a Tonto

I bought a turkey two weeks ago. I named him Tonto (as in “wild one” in Pottawatomie not “silly” in Spanish). I am going to kill him in 15 days time for Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays (coming in a close second behind Groundhog Day). Every year my family makes the trek down to Oklahoma to spend Turkey Day with relatives. Steeped in tradition, the festivities begin the night before with marathon games of Monopoly, Risk, and Civilization. Thanksgiving day is kicked off with endless photo sessions (including the infamous ‘grandchildren on the steps’ photo that we continue to take even though someone else is now living in my deceased Grandmother’s house), followed by the mid-morning Griffin Family Football Game in which rarely a year passes that someone is not left bleeding and/or immobile. The Griffin Family Paintball War usually rounds out the activities the next morning (Yeah, my family is just a little competitive).

But here in Guatemala, my surrogate Peace Corps family will have to do. My training group is gathering for El Diá de Gracias here in Tactic at a cabin in the woods. And it is for this reason that I have Tonto.

Since I haven’t the slightest idea of how to care for a turkey, Tonto is currently happily residing at the house of Olivia, a weaver in my association. I make random visits to check on his wellbeing and increase our rapport. He knows I am going to eat him soon and seems well resigned to that fact. We have an understanding.

My mom thinks it inhuman to kill this turkey, especially after giving it a name. She suggested I leave it up to a vote to decide whether Tonto will become Thanksgiving dinner or have his life spared. But there shall be no vote. Tonto’s fate is sealed. I see it as a sort of Peace Corps rite of passage to at least one time slaughter the animal I am going to later eat. The only question that remains is which method of killing I am going to employ: twisting his neck, ripping out his tongue, or chopping off his head. I prefer the latter, pero vamos a ver.